Four Popular Self-Help Myths to Avoid Repeating

I’m sure it’s no surprise to you to hear that some self-help books contain dubious material—especially older books, when publishing standards tended to be lower and we knew less about how humans and their brains actually work.

But there are a number of myths that have seeped into our culture, thanks to pop psychology, movies, motivational posters, and more. This deluge, unfortunately, can lead many of us to internalize bad advice without ever realizing.

So, whether you’re writing a self-help book, working on your own self-care journey, or just like knowing things, here’s some quick tips. Presenting: the top four pieces of advice not to give in your self-help book.

1. “Never half-ass anything—put your best into 100% of the things you do.”
That’s a popular motivational poster idea—but not actually how people work. No one gives 100% of their efforts 100% of the time, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be! You have to take it easy on some things, so that you have the brainpower for the things where really do need you to give it your all.

When it comes to doing your best, rest really is important. So, at least sometimes, give yourself a break and take it easy.

2. “You can do anything you put your mind to.”
If only this was true! It’s not, though. I see this in a lot of manuscripts, honestly, and that totally makes sense—this idea is really the whole basis of the American Dream, plus about 90% of motivational posters.

The fact is, we’re all human beings and we all have limits.

In addition to general human limitations, there are also a lot of barriers put in place by the world, systems, and people around us, and many of those barriers impact marginalized groups the most. However, the idea that “You can do anything you put your mind to” ignores that reality, and in doing so blames people—especially marginalized people—for their own struggles and failures.

As a disabled person, I’m always extra aware of this particular myth. But unfortunately, no amount of putting my mind to it is going to get rid of my sleep disorder. Similarly, no one can simply put their mind to it and do away their ADHD or amputated limb—or racist and sexist hiring managers.

3. “Humans only use 10% of their brains.”
This one is not as common as it was a few years ago, but it’s just as incorrect. In reality, humans do indeed use our whole brains—which makes sense, because brains are incredibly resource-hungry organs, and the body can’t afford for a bunch of brain matter to go unused!

As neurologist Dr. Barry Gordon explains, “It turns out, though, that we use virtually every part of the brain, and that [most of] the brain is active almost all the time. Let's put it this way: the brain represents three percent of the body's weight and uses 20 percent of the body's energy.”

So sorry, no superpowers here, because using 100% of your brain at the same time? Yeah, that’s probably a very bad seizure.

4. “You can’t truly love anyone else until you can love yourself.”
Self-love is a beautiful, powerful thing and an important goal—but it’s not a prerequisite for loving other people (or having them love you back).

While it’s important to work on yourself and make sure that the things you’re struggling with don’t end up hurting your friends, family, or partners. In fact, we often begin to love ourselves by seeing ourselves through the eyes of the people who love us.

That’s one of the reasons why telling people this can be incredibly hurtful, discouraging, and even damaging. People struggling with depression, anxiety, and many other mental health issues so often already feel numb, broken, or incapable of love—the last thing they need is people (incorrectly) telling them that it’s fundamentally true.

A huge number of people have treatment-resistant depression. That does not mean that they, or anyone else, are condemned to a life alone.

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And there you have it!

There are of course a lot of other myths I could’ve included, particularly around ableism and mental health stigma. And I probably will do that in a future article at some point—but that’s a topic that a lot of ink has already been spilled on.

I wanted to really dig into the more pop psych, motivational poster, popular aphorism side of things. Too often, we let aphorisms, platitudes, and other similar phrases slide in without really looking at them, because they’re so familiar and even cliché.

That’s why it is always worth taking another look at the language you take for granted—especially if you’re working on a self-help book or in a helping profession, where so many of your clients and/or readers will be especially vulnerable to inaccurate messages.